You can utilize many different strategies when trying to get your ex back after a breakup. My favorite is using text messages. It always works really well for me whenever I do it a certain way. Visit MichaelFiore.org for the method I use.
What I want to touch on today is the idea of no contact versus limited contact. Is one better than the other? Both good? Both bad?
Refer to any good get your ex back guide, and you’ll find cutting off contact with your ex is one of the fundamental principles of eventually getting them back. There’s a lot of reasons it works so well and a lot of psychology behind it, but I’m not going to get into the theory right now.
I’ve always found completely cutting off contact with your ex immediately following a breakup is a really good strategy. I usually try to do it for at least a couple of weeks. It gives me time to get my emotions under control, and keeps me from doing stupid stuff. Drunk texters raise your hand! *lol*
The best length of time to cut off contact will always remain up for debate. Do you do it a few days? A few weeks? An entire month? 2 months? Every breakup is different, but I think it’s really important to give your ex time to miss you, especially if you hope to repair the relationship.
It’s after the initial “no contact” period, where things get a little tricky. At that point what do you do? Do you go straight into full contact? Do you limit your contact?
Here’s what works best for me...
After a period of no contact, I usually go into a phase of “limited contact” until I can tell my ex and I are on good terms again. By “good terms”, I mean our emotions are in check. We can communicate without arguing and can actually stand each other for a few minutes. That sort of thing.
During the limited contact phase, I try to stick to a few rules:
I respond to communication, but I don’t initiate it. So instead of ignoring texts from my ex like I do during the no contact phase, I will respond, but I won’t initiate the conversation.
I keep things light and fun. No texting about deep relationship issues.
I keep things brief. No long text exchanges that go on and on for hours. A response here and there and then quiet the rest of the day.
I don’t respond right away. When my ex contacts me, I give it an hour or two before responding. I want them to think I’m busy and to wonder about what I’m doing. The more I occupy their mind and the more they think about me, the better chance I have of winning them back.
I always try to end the conversation first. This keeps me in control of the situation. Something as simple as, “Ok, I gotta get going now” works just fine.
I always try to end the conversation on a high note. So if I’m talking to my ex and we’re having a really fun conversation, I’ll try to end the conversation right there. Why? Because when I want my ex back, I want them to associate positive feelings with me every time they interact with me. Even though the conversation is going great, if you talk too long, you risk having it turn stale or boring, and then your ex remembers those negative feelings instead of thinking to themselves, “OMG. That made me laugh! I miss that. I can’t wait to talk to him/her again.” Make sense?
So when it comes to no contact versus limited contact, a combination of the two works best for me. In some instances, you’ll be forced to use only limited contact. For example, if you work with your ex or if you and your ex have children together, then it’s pretty much impossible to have full no contact. In those situations, just try to minimize your contact at first as much as possible.